万书阁

第78章（第1页）

sheperfectlyrememberedeverythingthathadpassedinconversationbetweenwickhamandherself，intheirfirsteveningatmr.phillips's.manyofhisexpressionswerestillfreshinhermemory.shewasnowstruckwiththeimproprietyofsuchcommunicationstoastranger，andwonderedithadescapedherbefore.shesawtheindelicacyofputtinghimselfforwardashehaddone，andtheinconsistencyofhisprofessionswithhisconduct.sherememberedthathehadboastedofhavingnofearofseeingmr.darcy—thatmr.darcymightleavethecountry，butthatheshouldstandhisground;yethehadavoidedthenetherfieldballtheverynextweek.sherememberedalsothat，tillthenetherfieldfamilyhadquittedthecountry，hehadtoldhisstorytonoonebutherself;butthataftertheirremovalithadbeeneverywherediscussed;thathehadthennoreserves，noscruplesinsinkingmr.darcy'scharacter，thoughhehadassuredherthatrespectforthefatherwouldalwayspreventhisexposingtheson.

howdifferentlydideverythingnowappearinwhichhewasconcerned!hisattentionstomisskingwerenowtheconsequenceofviewssolelyandhatefullymercenary;andthemediocrityofherfortuneprovednolongerthemoderationofhiswishes，buthiseagernesstograspatanything.hisbehaviourtoherselfcouldnowhavehadnotolerablemotive;hehadeitherbeendeceivedwithregardtoherfortune，orhadbeengratifyinghisvanitybyencouragingthepreferencewhichshebelievedshehadmostincautiouslyshown.everylingeringstruggleinhisfavourgrewfainterandfainter;andinfartherjustificationofmr.darcy，shecouldnotbutallowthatmr.bingley，whenquestionedbyjane，hadlongagoassertedhisblamelessnessintheaffair;thatproudandrepulsiveaswerehismanners，shehadnever，inthewholecourseoftheiracquaintance—anacquaintancewhichhadlatterlybroughtthemmuchtogether，andgivenherasortofintimacywithhisways—seenanythingthatbetrayedhimtobeunprincipledorunjust—anythingthatspokehimofirreligiousorimmoralhabits;thatamonghisownconnectionshewasesteemedandvalued—thatevenwickhamhadallowedhimmeritasabrother，andthatshehadoftenheardhimspeaksoaffectionatelyofhissisterastoprovehimcapableofsomeamiablefeeling;thathadhisactionsbeenwhatmr.wickhamrepresentedthem，sogrossaviolationofeverythingrightcouldhardlyhavebeenconcealedfromtheworld;andthatfriendshipbetweenapersoncapableofit，andsuchanamiablemanasmr.bingley，wasincomprehensible.

shegrewabsolutelyashamedofherself.ofneitherdarcynorwickhamcouldshethinkwithoutfeelingshehadbeenblind，partial，prejudiced，absurd.

“howdespicablyihaveacted!”shecried;“i，whohavepridedmyselfonmydiscernment!i，whohavevaluedmyselfonmyabilities!whohaveoftendisdainedthegenerouscandourofmysister，andgratifiedmyvanityinuselessorblameablemistrust!howhumiliatingisthisdiscovery!yet，howjustahumiliation!hadibeeninlove，icouldnothavebeenmorewretchedlyblind!butvanity，notlove，hasbeenmyfolly.pleasedwiththepreferenceofone，andoffendedbytheneglectoftheother，ontheverybeginningofouracquaintance，ihavecourtedprepossessionandignorance，anddrivenreasonaway，whereeitherwereconcerned.tillthismomentineverknewmyself.”

fromherselftojane—fromjanetobingley，herthoughtswereinalinewhichsoonbroughttoherrecollectionthatmr.darcy'sexplanationtherehadappearedveryinsufficient，andshereaditagain.widelydifferentwastheeffectofasecondperusal.howcouldshedenythatcredittohisassertionsinoneinstance，whichshehadbeenobligedtogiveintheother?hedeclaredhimselftobetotallyunsuspiciousofhersister'sattachment;andshecouldnothelprememberingwhatcharlotte'sopinionhadalwaysbeen.neithercouldshedenythejusticeofhisdeionofjane.shefeltthatjane'sfeelings，thoughfervent，werelittledisplayed，andthattherewasaconstantcomplacencyinherairandmannernotoftenunitedwithgreatsensibility.

whenshecametothatpartoftheletterinwhichherfamilywerementionedintermsofsuchmortifying，yetmeritedreproach，hersenseofshamewassevere.thejusticeofthechargestruckhertooforciblyfordenial，andthecircumstancestowhichheparticularlyalludedashavingpassedatthenetherfieldball，andasconfirmingallhisfirstdisapprobation，couldnothavemadeastrongerimpressiononhismindthanonhers.

thecomplimenttoherselfandhersisterwasnotunfelt.itsoothed，butitcouldnotconsoleherforthecontemptwhichhadthusbeenself-attractedbytherestofherfamily;andassheconsideredthatjane'sdisappointmenthadinfactbeentheworkofhernearestrelations，andreflectedhowmateriallythecreditofbothmustbehurtbysuchimproprietyofconduct，shefeltdepressedbeyondanythingshehadeverknownbefore.

afterwanderingalongthelanefortwohours，givingwaytoeveryvarietyofthought—re-consideringevents，determiningprobabilities，andreconcilingherself，aswellasshecould，toachangesosuddenandsoimportant，fatigue，andarecollectionofherlongabsence，madeheratlengthreturnhome;andsheenteredthehousewiththewishofappearingcheerfulasusual，andtheresolutionofrepressingsuchreflectionsasmustmakeherunfitforconversation.

shewasimmediatelytoldthatthetwogentlemenfromrosingshadeachcalledduringherabsence;mr.darcy，onlyforafewminutes，totakeleave—butthatcolonelfitzwilliamhadbeensittingwiththematleastanhour，hopingforherreturn，andalmostresolvingtowalkafterhertillshecouldbefound.elizabethcouldbutjustaffectconcerninmissinghim;shereallyrejoicedatit.colonelfitzwilliamwasnolongeranobject;shecouldthinkonlyofherletter.

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